I Love My Women, Sometimes They Love Me

I have no great lessons or words of wisdom to share. Just some experiences. Maybe I'm just trying to heal myself, forgive myself, love myself.I was in kindergarten and so was she. Her sweet chocolate milk face and shiny pigtails held with colorful clips melted my heart. We moved and I finished kindergarten at a different school. No little girl aroused my interest, stumped me for words.But in bilingual second grade--she to learn English, me Spanish--during one of those lucky whole class play situations that I asked another girl to come to my birthday party. She came and dazzled me with her royal blue crocheted dress and hair in a bun that had me believing in princesses for the first time in my life. I didn't have the words. I just knew I was feeling something different. And I kept having these feelings for other girls, teenagers, women. I wasn't a rebel. I waited for guides. I wasn't brave and listened to spoken and unspoken warnings from mother, church, and society. Until another girl after confusing sleepovers and intimate showers. I would've made Sly, Slick, and Wicked proud for confessing my feelings for her. She said she wasn't a lesbian, and I couldn't admit I was. I never liked that word. The s next to b together sound like z. Lezzzbian. So harsh. What word would be acceptable to my younger, homophobic self? Probably nothing. I'm more comfortable with dyke though I know fundamentalists of any religion don't care what I call myself and feel justified to hate me. The government that decriminalized us before I came out the first time is swinging back to punishing us without impunity for our desire and daring to live and sex freely. In the middle of this, I'm sharing these words.

• | Author: Cathy Arellano
• | Publisher: Korima Press
• | Publication Date: Oct 10, 2017
• | Number of Pages: 60 pages
• | Language: English
• | Binding: Paperback
• | ISBN-10: 1945521023
• | ISBN-13: 9781945521027