Transparency: Poetic Expression

Transparency: Poetic Expression captures a journey that was realized after my tragedies of 2015. My father, mother, granny, mother-in-law, two uncles, an aunt, and two co-workers took their last breaths in 2015. I would no longer have my mother to embrace and remind me that things will work out. My dad would no longer call to remind me that he is so proud of who I have become. My grandmother will no longer be around to remind me of the importance of a relationship with God. My mother-in-law will no longer remind me what D.I.L means, laugh when I ask and remind me that she wants to spend some time with me to get to know me better. My aunt and uncles would never ask about me again. My co-workers will no longer say good morning, have a great day or provide words of encouragements each time we spoke. I had no warning, just phone calls that would rest with me forever, I would never see them again. I began to think about my lost opportunity to say, I love you, I miss you, I need you, I appreciate you, I want to know you and even I'm sorry. As I remembered what could have been said, I also remembered the words and love that I did share. At first, I thought about how could I possibly continue life as an orphan, no mom, dad, or grandparents. The relationships would no longer develop and the memories that was shared with each one would now be shared alone. What was I to do? I was thinking about my whole life at one moment and it was tormenting, I was lost within myself. Throughout my life, I had many surgeries where it was difficult to revive me. Through all the physical and emotional pain, I never wanted to be revived, I wanted to die. I actually thought that the physical and emotional pain that I've lived with for most of my life was the worst pain I could ever experience. Boy was I wrong. After each death in 2015, I told myself I would get better with communicating my love and opening myself up to new relationships. This is still challenging for me. I am angry and understanding at the same time about all this death and it was so confusing. After trying to figure out my entire life for a few months, I decided to plan for the week, then a day and then for each minute of the day. Each time that I adjusted my thinking, my days got better. I practice every day to focus on each minute. I even communicated that everybody should only think of the here and now. Each time, I try to think beyond the here and now, I revert back to taking my last breath, a thought that consumed many of my days and nights. So instead of concentrating on my last breath, I decided to write my story in phases. In order to heal and share my journey. I truly love you all and that is why I want to share. I know I am not alone and you are not alone. God bless us all!

• | Author: Tishawnda Renee Bellamy
• | Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
• | Publication Date: Aug 07, 2016
• | Number of Pages: 42 pages
• | Language: English
• | Binding: Paperback
• | ISBN-10: 1530932440
• | ISBN-13: 9781530932443